It always lies within you

At a fine evening, city clock was reading 5:45 PM. Sitting on the bench of a park, having a cigarette between his fingers he didn’t know if he was anti-meditating or what but he had millions of thought in his mind that time. It was a neem tree under which the stone bench was fixed. The bench read like a grave stone “shri Ram Narayan 1912-1980”. Roshan began to think the purpose of such bench advertising something. “Whom should I thank for bench, Late Shri Ram Narayan that he died in time and his family fixed a bench here in the park for me or to his family who are announcing his demise”, Roshan thought. Such thoughts came to the mind when you are so thoughtless that you start counting every breath you take. But for Roshan it works differently. Such thought comes to his mind when his mind is full of the most sublime riddles.
Suddenly something dropped on his head.
“Shit, how can these birds do this so freely and anywhere?”
Scared, he moved a finger in his hair. “Gosh, it’s a neemboli. Yellow, pulpy neemboli.”
“We don’t find apple trees in our parks in this part of India, otherwise it was a chance of discovering something,” he chuckled.
Wondering with his thoughts suddenly an exhausted old man in his sixties stopped in front of Roshan’s bench. He wasn’t too fast on his feet but it took few seconds to him to slow down and stop. He sat at one corner of the bench while Roshan sitting at the center.
Sitting beside Roshan the old man inhaled and exhaled deeply several times.
Gosh, I was here for peace and these old parasites can be found at every part of the world. Actually Roshan always hated the way old men preach.
“They can preach on almost everything, even on girls or on sex or on para-diving”, Roshan thought.
Irritated with his deep breaths finally Roshan said, “Uncle at this hour, it’s carbon di oxide you are deeply inhaling”
“Yeah, I know, and I also know that it’s purely oxygen that you are getting from this cigarette.”, he said in a careless tone.
“Gosh, I opened a window for him, now he will bore me to death”, Roshan thought.
“By the way, can I have one?”, old man asked roshan.
“What? Are you serious?”
“Yeah, I need to forget my girl friend”, Old man chuckled.
Smiling over the old man’s humor, Roshan said “Ok, but I guess it’s injurious for your health”, and he offered cigarette with light.
Old man lighted up the cigarette and took a puff and said, “Yeah I know, my lungs are not made of steel like yours”, smoke was still coming out of his mouth while he completed his sentence.
Roshan laughed.
“I like sarcasm”, Roshon said as if he was announcing it.
“Don’t be that sarcastic to yourself”, the old man said carelessly with a smile on his face.
Roshan begin laughing like a goose. “You are unbelievable”.
“Stop. Where have I heard it before.”, “where I heard it? , where I heard it ?”, Yeah, “I heard it from my girl friend”.
“Are you serious?”, Roshan asked in an astonishing tone.
“Yeah my wife was used to say this when she was my girl friend”
“ohhh, and now?”
“Now she believes me”, the old man said with a hint of laugh.
“great … ”, roshan laughed.
“So, what do you do young man?”, old man asked.
“I am pursuing my M.B.B.S, final year”
“ohhh .. that’s why you don’t care about smoking”, old man murmured sarcastically
“may be … ” , roshan replied with a smile
“What do you do?”
“I am done doing, I mean I m retired and I was used to be an engineer, a mechanical engineer”
There was a long pause as both of them were thinking about the other’s profession.
“you know what’s the difference between an engineer and a doctor?”, the old man asked.
“what’s similar, I mean both of them are very different jobs” , Roshan replied.
“No, we engineers mend what we have created and you mend what god has created”
“yeahh .. right, I have never thought like that before.”, Roshan was surprised.
“God created man or man created god? What say?”, the old man asked Roshan.
“Hey let’s not mess up with god u know. He has taught me many things”, Roshan said.
“Where does he run his coaching classes, are people of my age admissible?”, old man said plainly.
Next few moments passed in silence. Their cigarettes have been extinguished.
“God teaches us many things, it’s up to us if we understand it or not”, Roshan said looking at the bright yellow sky.
“Yeah surely, it’s always up to your learning and reading capabilities. By the way what you have learned in your short span of time. And ya, I am impressed to know that you believe in god as this generation of young man follow atheism like a vogue”
Roshan was gathering his thoughts. It took few moments before he speak “God has taught me the lesson of patience”, he finally uttered.
“Congratulations, you have learned it. My son, it take lives to learn that lesson of patience and I am happy for you. Can you explain me how god taught you this thing?”
“I always had many questions about everything. About human, about life, love, emotions, day, night, success, debacle, luck and many other intangible things. I asked most of them to internet and got satisfactory answers from many philosophers too. But during that span of time I was so irritated to get the reply that I abused and blamed god plethora of times. On every bad thing happened to me I abused and blamed god for it. I blamed my luck, I blamed it on every possible invisible thing.”
Rohsan continued “but after seeing a lot in my life while keeping mum god taught me patience. He doesn’t look in any haste to meet me. I am still alive. He is not impatient to answer my every abuse. He is not impatient to teach me a lesson. He is quite. He is calm. He has left me alone and he wants me to continue my abuses. You know what, I am really graced that my god is so patient. He has won my heart by not reacting. He has won my heart by not hitting me back.”
It was almost dark by now. None of them could clearly see the face of the other. Roshan could only see the shining white hair of the old man. He wasn’t looking at him. Old man turned his face to roshan, and in the most polite and calm words he said, “Isn’t this the first time you are thinking like this.”
“Yes”, roshan replied, “But how do you know that?”, roshan asked, His eyes widened.
“I come over here every day. I have seen you many times smoking over here. You are used to sit on the same bench under the same tree but this was the first time you noticed the bench. You come here infrequently, but I have noticed you every time you come. I have seen you doing nothing but smoking and looking here and there. I was anxious to know what’s wrong with you. I quit smoking when I was 45, almost 20 years back. But for you I smoked again today. Don’t worry it won’t harm me. But I wanted to know what’s wrong with you.”
“you know what son, we lose most of the fights of our life just because of this impatience. I am telling you this by my personal experience and I am not only preaching this to you. Once I read few pages of You can win by Shiv Khera, and I liked one of his preaching. It said something like "Winners don’t have more strength or more power it’s just that they continue fighting for few more moments while others quit”. Promise me that you won’t ever appear here again with a cigarette in your hand.
Roshan was completely lost. He didn’t have anything but to say “yes I promise, SIR”.
“Ok son, you have made my evening today. I am going to write down this whole conversation in my diary today so that I can cherish this evening any time I wish. “
“It’s dark now and I have to purchase something to eat before I get into my home, otherwise I will have to sleep empty stomach with my pet. “, the old man said.
Wishing him good night, Roshan saw him walking briskly and soon the man disappeared in the dark.
“what did he said, sleep with my pet??? He mentioned his wife too?? ” Roshan also started to move towards his home, suddenly he realized that old man only mentioned his wife as a girl friend to know his reactions over it. He just wanted to know whether it’s a girl for which Roshan was worried about.
“He lives alone, all alone”, Roshan thought before he rang the door bell of his home.

The Pivot

The world never stopped for a fraction of second. When someone sleeps the other one wakes up. The world is moving with a pace which had never lowered itself down. Some philosophers claim that this creation, the world, is like a machine and we are just a small part of the system. They claim us to be the part of the machine. But every machine has a central element, the heart of the machine, the pivot; for which every part of the machine works. That central element is precious. There is no need for the other parts to work without that pivot element.

            Now the question arises, what is the pivot around which the whole mass of the people working? Is everyone working for the progress of the world?  Look around you and your answer will be sure NO. Some says that it’s curiosity of the man which is driving this world. Some says it’s doubt and the reasoning power of the man. They have their views about it. I won’t nod. According to me they are around the bullseye but not hitting it.

            Man is selfish by nature. He can’t sacrifice himself over anything. Whatever human do intuitively or rationally he works for his selfish sake, for his own happiness. Yes this is the pivot the world is revolving around.

Now you will say “but I didn’t do all I have done for my happiness only …. but I did it for my parents … I did it for my children … I did it for my society … I did it for my nation … or I did it for the world … or the worst one, I did it because god wanted me to do it.”

I can quote all the above you have said more appropriately. “yes I did all I have done for my own happiness … because if I haven’t done that, then my parents would have been unhappy and I can’t see them unhappy because it makes me unhappy too … I did it for my children because if I hadn’t done that I would have made my children sad and I can’t see them sad as it makes me unhappy too… I am doing it because I believe in god and the world beyond this earth which people call heaven and hell so I am making my reservation confirmed in heaven because u know hell is HELL ….  ”.

            Now you have started thinking that all of the above sentences I quoted involves the word MY. “and what about that 100 Rs bill that I gave to a lame beggar I saw at railways station … I did it to make him happy .. ” … ooouuu u got me ?? right ?? Ok .. in this case I doubt whether you are a kind person or not but I surely can’t call you a miser. You got some relief by buying happiness for someone on the cost of 100 Rs., isn’t that cheap, I have heard about people who spends thousands of rupees to enjoy vacations for that happiness.

            It’s really a human privilege to feel the happiness out of all the things he do and it’s really not shameful if you call yourself selfish. Your happiness must be your prime motive and it will be great if your loved ones can find your deed as a source of happiness for themselves.  

            What the world would have been if Sir Albert Einstine couldn’t find any joy in doing his researches? What the world would have been if there were no one who could find the happiness in fighting for the freedom of his own nation. Every human is like a star, looks very similar from a distance but have differences at their basic level. The sense of one’s happiness defines personality. It is the thing which suggests the adjective for a person which is placed just before the name of a man to give it a meaning.  

KYA SACH MUCH MEHANGI HAIN KHUSHIYAN

main sochoon kabhi akele main

jeevan k rele-pele main

kya sachmuch mehangi hain khushiyan?

ya maang hamari jyada hai.

har subah wahi munbhavan hai jo jeevan lekar atee hai,

kya rang chandni ka badla jo mun ko sheetal karti hai?

kya aaj hawa naraz huee,phoolon ne khilna chod diya?

ya kya nadiyon ne jharno ne masti main behna chod diya?

panchi ab pahle jaisa chu-chu ka shor nahin karte,

ya badal aaj shararat se barish is ore nahin karte?

jab koi chota bacha,yun hi dekhe aur muskaye

koi apna ya gair koi,asheerwad ek de jaye

choti si kisi zaroorat ko poora karna asan bane

kyun na bemani si ye baatain,khushiyon ka saman bane!

jo pyara ho wo pass rahe

'kuch acha hoga' ye aas rahe

koi wazah mile na rone ko

karan kum hai kush hone ko??

kya hai khushiyon ki paribhasha

kyun itni mushkil wo bhasha

fir kyun koi ye kehta hai

chota sa dil choti asha!!

kya paimana hai khushiyon ka

haan! itna mile to kafi hai

thoda kum ho to mafi hai

na mile to nainsaafi hai!!

ye prashn kathin inke uttar,jane koi kab layega

khushiyon ki ghum ki ulat-fer,ye jeevan chalta jayega!

main sochoon kabhi akele main........

ruchi rawat

The grace world has lost.

“Daddy!!! “, little Arjun ran down the hall to the armchair his daddy was resting on after a long day at office.

“humm”, his father nodded without exercising his shut eyelid.

“look daddy, what I have drawn”

“ohh .. let’s see what my little Picaso has drawn today”.

With a little struggle with his posture his dad took the drawing sheet into his hand and had a quick look over the drawing his 7 year old son has made. The boy was curious, his performance was being measured and he was already giggling expecting a quick result. His father has always been happy to see his paintings and even has appreciated and encouraged his performances of wax drawing.
But today his father was silent rather disappointed. His father took his spectacles from the table and took a closer look into his drawing.

Now Arjun was anxious.

His drawing pictured 5 giant skyscrapers, far away in vision, having a very little distance between them. They were colored differently with bright colors. Above a skyscraper half sun was visible. The half visible sun was filled with bright yellow color showering full rays, depicted by lines, all around. Nearby the sun, Arjun drew a black helicopter which was going from above the skyscrapers. Below the skyscraper Arjun drew few roads with cars racing each other. The drawing was satisfactory despite lacking some kind of neatness and few colors with which the buildings were colored. Little cars were yet to be colored.

After having a look at the drawing Arjun’s father remembered his childhood days. He remembers what they were used to draw when they were asked to draw some scenery. In their drawings there were mountains which Arjun replaced with skyscrapers, there have been an orange colored morning sun, which was used to be depicted as a friend of earth not the enemy. There have been some birds in the sky which Arjun replaced with the helicopter and there were green lush grounds in which children were pictured happy playing some game and there have been a lake aside. That was the picture of the days which they could imagined the best.

Father was still silent, he took his spectacles off.

“I know I haven’t colored it properly yet” Arjun said.

“Give it back, let me color it more properly and I m sure you will like it then”, Arjun clinched his drawing sheet back in a flash and rushed back to his room.

His father came into his previous relaxed posture, realized how far today’s generation is from the natural beauty. This generation doesn’t know how great it is to be surrounded by the nature. How beautiful the sun looks when it is orange. What does the shadow of a tree mean when an exhausted traveler rests under it? How cool and how quenching is the water of a pot. How melodious a cuckoo sings and what a swarm of birds in the sky look like. These kids are far away from the gifts of the nature.

“How different their world is? He only knows what I have made known to him.”, he spoke in his mind.

With this thought next day his father woke up at 6:00 AM and took Arjun to the terrace of their apartment which was the roof of the 15th floor. From there Arjun's father tried to show him the sky he never cared of. Arjun's father really tried to convince Arjun over the view of the world he had in his eyes. Then accompanied with Arjun he went for a long drive into the woods of the city where the mankind would have hopefully left something for Arjun to be learned and admire.

tushar... as u turned 25 today:)

bachpan kab ka peeche choota,ab hain jeevan k hain rang naye
nayi subah naya janmdiwas,har din jeene k dnang naye.

hai aaj tumhara janmdiwas,beete poore pachees(25)varsh,
khush rahi sada tan se mun se,faile jeewan main sada harsh.

ashirwad badon ka ho,choton se hardam pyar mile,
jab jeeto khushi manana tum,na gum karna jo haar mile.

jeewan ki bhool-bhuliya main sukh-dukh to aate jate hain,
maan sada unka rakhna jo dukh main sath nibhate hain.

ho varshganth shub-mangalmay,din beete masti aur pyar bhara.
asha hai mun ko bhayega,ye chota sa uphaar mera.

HAPPY BIRHTDAY

RUCHI:)

My first white hair

Chapak .. chapak … I was washing my face in the washbasin.

Swiping my face with my hands from eyes to chin, I looked into the mirror. My hair are always disheveled, I thought. I used my hands to settle them down, these should go to the left and these should be on the right portion of my head. Why do we have so much hair on our head as compared to other living beings I thought, maybe these are there to hide what is going in the mind. As other species have little mind and small thoughts so they don’t need hair. But why do the girls have more hair than boys? Maybe they have few highly confidential things in their mind and those long hair are for the security purposes. I smiled with thought in mind.  

These silly hair can’t settle, I m doing this to you from almost last 25 years don’t you guys know whether you belong to the right or to the left; I said to few of them. 25 years, yes I will be 25 this 27^th june I remembered. But what’s new in this. On the next moment a hair got my notice. First I confused it with some other shiny thing but when I tried to pick it up I figured out it to be a hair. Ohhh. So this is new on this 27^th june. A smile came to mind, not on the face, it was in the mind that I have stepped into the world of matures. Now I need to be more sophisticated, no one would allow me to do mistakes; I only will be responsible for what I do. More age, more experience of the world, more liabilities to bear and lot more. It is always very difficult to being right always. 

 

“Only dogs will accompany us in the restaurant”, one of my friends shouted. He snapped the swarm of thoughts coming to my mind and reminded me that I was washing my face as I have to go to a restaurant to have dinner tonight.  

“We will also find some drunkards, don’t worry”, I replied in a high pitch.

“I counted them with dogs”, my friend replied and with a laugh I came out of the washroom.  

All three of us hurried to the restaurant. While the way I thought that now I must start practicing sophistication. But I am dressed up like a boy, not like a gentleman I thought. No, it’s not about your dress, it’s all about reacting, I contradicted.  

We reached the restaurant.

“By the way what’s your age Akhilesh”, I asked one of my friend.

“27, but why?”, he replied.

“No, I just asked like that. Nothing serious” I replied.

“And how about your age Ashish “, I asked.

 “It’s 28, going to be 29 soon, but what’s the matter with you”, he asked.

“No, I m just wondering you guys are over 25 and still you do all the things a young man do, don’t you guys think that you need to show some maturity in day to day life, how can you still be raucous while laughing and how you can still play the computer games, how you can still put your right hand over your heart when you see a sizzling girl passing by and how you can still smoke on the road. Don’t you find such things immature which should be left when you steps in this phase of life. I mean we know all these things don’t worth, staring at a girl, passing on the fake smile, and then on the next moment putting your hand on your friend’s shoulder and saying pathetically that I will be a better man if I will get her in my life. I mean we are doing this from last 10 years and that time was a fun for sure. But now? ”

Both of them looked down at their plates and start eating.

“So what shall we do, should we start calling every girl BETI?” Akhliesh said.

All of us shared the laugh.

We can utter some dialogues to show superiority like “beta yeh kaam toh hum bachpan mein kar k chod chuke hai”, Akhilesh said.

Pointing to the few white hair Ashish said “beta yeh baal dhoop mein safed nahi huye hai”

With age you gets respect, doesn’t matter you deserve it or not. It is also a phase to live and its immutable.

I was almost convinced. And I said it with a smile of satisfaction ”After all having a large number in your account is advantage, may it be the no. of rupees in your bank account or may it be the age.”

Later in the night, lying in the bed, I counted if there are any fronts where I need to be mature from now. And I counted them to none. I have always been mature enough. I was always aware of being socially and individually right. I never took anything for granted not even the fun. I always knew its worth. Although fun doesn’t worth the life but life is worthless without fun. We have fun to be ecstatic for a moment. We laugh on idiotic things to have some light moments in the life forgetting the burdensome tasks we do daily. Fun doesn’t has to do anything with age.

“But I need to change something this b’day. Not every b’day is your 25^th bday”, I thought. Let’s call it special and take a resolution. But what?

What would I change from my 25^th b’day?

After a long series of idea->yes? No. Idea->yes? No; I concluded -

I would surely stop ignoring the hair dye and hair color advertisements on tv.

This answer was enough to bring a smile in my mind and on my face too.

I wish my father quarrel with my mom every day:

Leaping to keep up the pace, clutching the index figure of his dad, little Arjun took a small jump of exhilaration in the air. After few steps to the parking bay he asked his dad the same question which has not been answered by his father since evening “Dad, how often we can enjoy like this”. Without saying a word his father kept walking to the car. In between the drive to their home Arjun kept on cherishing the few hours he spend the day out with his dad. He had a visit to an amusement park where he did all the fun he wanted to do for months. He remembered of the Roller coaster ride he had few months back when he visited the same park with his parents. Today the excitement was doubled when he made a new friend in the park and had the same roller coaster ride again. At the front seat of his car he was still feeling the same excitement.

After having a lot of fun in the amusement park Arjun and his father had a terrific dinner at a restaurant. The dinner was all Arjun’s pick. He was so very happy that evening because after a long pleading to his father and mother Arjun finally did all he asked his parents for. Arjun was almost blond, well mannered, fair skinned 6 year old boy. He was known for his sensibility at this age. His loneliness has made him independent of any help, all a 6 year old boy need to have, to finish his daily chores. With both the parent working, Arjun had a lot of time to spend alone and think about himself. He had to spend almost 6 hours with their house help maid waiting his parents to arrive home from the work. While his mother’s timings were almost fixed and she arrives daily at 8 PM, his father’s work had no particular timing to reach the home. But he always tried to finish all his work till 9 PM and that was the time when they had a formal family meeting while the dinner after which Arjun was asked to sleep with the house help as he has to arise early in the morning for the school. This was the daily routine of the family members among whom the maid  was the only one who had to bear the major responsibilities of Arjun.

But today was Arjun’s the favorite day. The Sunday; the day when his all family have to be at the home for the whole day long. When the car took the final turn to reach the home, the pathetic thought of abiding the same old pathetic daily routine swarmed to his mind. But the pleasure continued. After reaching the home Arjun’s dad followed Arjun to his room. Arjun had a separate room in the big apartment where he was supposed to be with the maid during the night too. But today was a special day. Arjun’s dad ordered the maid to sleep somewhere else as he decided to sleep with Arjun. While giggling in the bed with his dad, lying keeping his head over his arm, sharing his innocent experiences, talking about his friends and teachers at school, Arjun read a lot of affection in his dad’s eyes. Suddenly he stopped while talking about one of his friend. When you are  at the end of a very pleasant experience, the thought of its end seems to be the end of the world to you. The same thought snapped Arjun too. The same question came to his mind again and he again and finally he asked it to his dad again, “Dad, how often we can have the same fun we had today”. His definition of fun was all about the time he had with his father today. It wasn’t more about the amusement park, nor was it more about his favorite dishes.

 “Very often”, his dad replied to placate him keeping his eyes into his.

Arjun was quite. Even when he got the answer in his favor he was expressionless. May be he couldn’t trust the answer his father gave to him.

After a moment of silence Arjun spoke, “I wish you to quarrel mother everyday”. Arjun turned aside removing his dad’s arm under his head, and turned off the lights.

Arjun’s dad went in the journey to the past to figure out what went wrong in the past years when he did almost everything in his power to keep his son happy.

Arjun was still awake. After a long duration, in the dark room, without changing his posture he said, “You share bed with me only when you have some issues with the mother and this is why I want you to quarrel mother every day”.

His dad was speechless. Speechless and balked with the immutable truth his son said. He tried to feel the pain his child had in his heart. But the time you are adult you become impotent to feel such emotions which can only spurt out in a child’s heart. The whole night he kept thinking “can I obviate the problem by sleeping with my kid every night”. The answer was NO. This was the most logical, amiable agreeable and pragmatic thing to be done according to his dad.

But this was not all his son needed to be happy. The mistake has been done. And no one was going to forget it.

Next day Arjun ripped away all the pages from his wish book and on the first page of it there was a new entry with black sketch pen which read “I WISH MY FATHER QUARREL WITH MY MOM EVERY DAY”

The beauty of night

Oh night,

My night,

Why do I love you so much?

Is it the absoluteness I love about you?

Or your primness is such?

Why do you look so beautiful?

As I can’t take my eyes off from you?

Is it the immaculate face of yours,

Or your ornaments make it so.

Stars ask me to become naughty,

Moon reminds me to smile;

The breeze asks me to feel love,

And that vivid white light asks me to be worthwhile.

Those stars,

There is a lot they mean,

Few of them are aligned like diamonds in a necklace

And the brightest one at the middle of your face becomes your nose pin.

That moon,

It has an eternal smile,

Sometimes coquettish,

Like a girl’s smile when she is teased by her lover,

Sometimes enchanting,

Which portraits it in my eyes.

Gentle breeze asks me to feel you,

To the depth of my heart;

It gives me a clue of your embrace,

And tells me we are not apart.

The white light you shower

is your love to me,

Which gives me strength in order,

To conquer the odds and live apart from thee.

Oh night my wonderful night,

When I walk with you;

You answer all my questions,

And calms each aggravated issue.

GOD AND THE DOORMAT....

GOD AND THE DOORMAT.....

roz ki tarah aj bhi subah k walk se ghar wapas aa rahi thi.apne flat k darwaze pe pahunchi to achanak nazar padi darwaze par pade purane doormat par.
"oho,fir isko badalna bhool gayi"khud se hi shikayat karte huey maine faisla kiya" aj yahi kaam karti hoon sabse pahle".chai peene ki icha ko thoda dabate
maine naye paavdaan ki khoj shuru kar di."kahan rakh diya?abhi 2 din pahle hi to khareeda hai bazar se?"thodi mehnat k baad wo naya doormat dikh gaya
mujhe.halki si smile ayi chehre pe aur maine us purane doormat ki jagah naye ko di. apni pasand ko mun hi mun saraha.wapas mudne hi wali thi ki ek awaz ne
mujhe chaunka diya..."hata do isko wahan se"?maine palatkar dekha.meri sasu maa shakal pe..YE KYA GAZAB KAR DIYA...wala bhv lekar mere peeche khadi
thi. "kya hua maa" "are bhagwan hain wahan.sabk pair padenge".bhagwan...!! doormat pe?!! mujhe laga jaise koi mazak kiya hai unhone.maien ashcharya se
doormat ki taraf dekha...kahan hain bhagwan aur 10 sec k ander hi mujhe bhagwan mil bhi gaye(azeeb baat hai kyun log apni sari zindagi bhagwan ko dhoondne main
laga dete hain).doormat pe bane galaxy print aur uspe bane muskurate huey sooraj ki tasveer ko mei sasu maa ne bhagwan maan liya tha.sooraj devta....!!
"oh,to ye hain bhagwan"sasu maa chali gayi apne mandir unk bhagwano ko khush karne aur main wahin khadi reh gayi.achanak vicharon ka jwalamukhi fut pada...

kya sach main ye sooraj ki tasveer main bhagwan hain?
jab har taraf bhagwan itni asani se milte hain to fir kyun aaj tak bhagwan ko koi dhoond nahin paya?
hum bhagwan ko dekh nahin sakte ya fir dekhna nahin chahte?
kyun hum nahin dekh pate bhagwan ko un hazaron bhooke bachon main jo hamare har ore hain,un gareeb be-sahara logon main jink pass na rahne ko ghar hai
na khane ko khana.jinke pass ek purana doormat bhi nahin hai jisko bicha kar wo so sakain!!!

achanak mujhe kuch din pahle akhbaar main padi huee kuch khabrain yaad ayi.kisi bhakt ne shirdi sai baba k mandir main 100kg ka sinhaasan chadaya tha.
ek aur bhakt ne tirupati bajaji ko heeron se jada hua virtue ka cell ph secretly donate kiya tha.(bhagwan ko bhi cell ph ki zaroorat padti hai kya?)koi un bhakt se
pooche is cell ph k sirf ek heere se kitne bhooke insano ka pet bhar sakta hai,kitne anpad bache school ja sakte hai.kitne gareebon ko ghar mil sakta hai?

hum bhagwan ko kush karne k liye vrat,upwas.pooja-path kya kuch nahin karte.kabhi kabhi to 9-10 din lagatar! kya hum un 9 dino main kuch gareeb anath
bachon ko khana nahin khila sakte? kya ye bhagwan ki pooja se badkar nahin? hazaron,lakhon rupaye hum devi-devtaon ki moorty banane maine kharch
kar dete hain,fir wahi moorti hum tyohaar khatam hone par khushi se pani main baha dete hain wahi kisi anathashram ko daan dene main ya kisi bache ki
padai ko sponsor karne main kyun itna sochte hain?! tan,mun,dhan se bhagwan ki sewa karne k jagah hum bhagwan k banaye un zarooratmand insano k liye
kyun nahin tan,mun,dhan lagate.

achanak mujhe yaad aya. maine sadak pe lage ek board se besahara bachon k ek shelter ka no. liya tha.kyun main nahin gayi aaj tak wahan...?khade kahde maine
us din ka doosra faisla kiya.aaj hi wahan baat karoongi aur jald hi bachon k liye kuch zaroor karoongi.

vicharon k silsila khatam nahin hota agar ek aur awaz muje wapas nahin kheenchati."mom we r leaving"meri dono betiyan darwaze per thi school jane k liye tyar
"wow mom! thats a nice door mat"choti ne kaha. "acha kyun nahin hoga.usmain bhagwan jo hain." maine muskurate huey socha aur ghar k ander aa gayi.

Wanna sale certainty ... ??

What does it take to sale certainty in this uncertain world; to the uncertain people with the uncertain mind? what? Its certainty. Certainty? is that your answer? ... Yes, you just need to be certain that you can sale it and the people will agree upon it. That's the part confidence play. The counter term for certainty is the uncertainty. You got to negate it too. Its the human nature they offend you often with their uncertainty.
let's take a short example ...

You are in good mood, your wife asks you to go out for a movie. You say "yehh .. why not." just promptly. You said it .. now the next thought that comes to your mind is the phone call your friend made an hour ago asking you to play table tennis today and you nodded him too.
You take your eyes off from your wife and the next moment you again look to her and say "yehh .. we will go .. get ready" plainly, thinking of that your friend will understand but your wife won't and you sacrifice your tennis match which you were waiting for the whole week. Now you are certain that you want to go with your wife ... although it took a lot but still you are certain that your friend will understand and you may have some good time with your wife. You are certain now .. quite certain.

Now your wife who is a very very very keen observer noticed you taking your eyes off after the first nod. she says "Are you sure bob ... you really wanna go ?"

Now a doubt comes to your mind .. you asks yourself again .. "do i really really wanna go with her ?" ..
"Man can do some sacrifices too .. and yes i should go with her .. come on .. i have said yes to her a moment before and after all with whom the else she is supposed to go out with ..", your soul speaks and you say "yes darling ... we shall go", this time with a genuine smile over your face.

"We shall go or we must go, you are always so uncertain bob ..?"
you are quite.. smile gone .. just taking a breath to utter that "you want to go and we should leave", but your thought gets snapped ... and your wife says "aahaaan .. i got it .. you were talking to Bill few minutes ago and you said the same words to him too .. that we shall go .. how mean you are", your wife frowns at you.

Now you are looking for a holy god's picture on the walls of the room .. she snaps again ..
"You know what bob ... i m feeling this from last few weeks ... you don't love me any more .. and no matter what you say .. i know its true .. you really don't love me any more"

You see .. how your certainty has been turned upside down with the huge uncertainty your partner carries in his/her mind. Now that is the thing where your confidence ends.

Next thing in such cases that you need more than anything else in the world is the courage ... the courage to take your wife out with you despite of her bad mood. Courage to speak sorry all the way long to the restaurant. Courage to buy a box of chocolate for her as she likes it with a thought that she can also use it as something to hit you with ... so pal .. go with the courage .. i wish you luck ...

remember the moral .. " To sale the certainty you need to cut the uncertainty off " .. as in our above short conversation ..

Bob just needed to say "NO honey ... bill called again ... his stomach is upset and he can't play the game .. so get ready .. even i was about to ask you out ... " not a word less not a word more .. he just had to say it ... falsely ..

Leave !!

My most loved heart tenant,
It’s the time when you should leave,
I don’t bother about the happiness

And you don’t bother about another place to live.

you got the world with you,

You got the space,

Don’t care for me as you never did

May you find for what you do race.

You are a good painter,
Without permissions,
You painted walls of my room,
some with bright colors which i like

And some with the black which i hate.

You have certainly given patches to my walls
which will always remain the same,
leaving no space for any other girl in my heart

You made it what it has became.

The room will be locked,
You have one of the key,
You may walk in whenever you want,
I will throw away mine to the depth of the sea.

Misery: All that left is a tale to tell

Chapter 1

“These kids won’t let me live my life with ease. Now, where has deepu gone?” deepu’s mom asked his elder brother in a partial angry tone.
“I don’t know, he went to buy some snacks”, replied his brother carelessly.
“He must be playing with the kids round the corner of the street, go and bring him back to the home. It has been more than an hour he is out in this chilling weather. ”, deepu’s mother said in an apprehensive tone.
15 minutes later deepu’s brother was back with lot of concern and worry on his face.
“I couldn’t find him anywhere mom. He is not in easy approach”
“What, where he could be, it’s 7 PM and already dark outside and … he was not wearing woolen clothes when he was leaving”, this time that courageous lady was horrified.
The day was 14th jan 1998. Deepu lived with his family in a town named Killa Pardi, district Valsad, Gujrat. Deepu’s father was a rich businessman and everyone in that district knew every member of their family. Deepu was just 13 and half year old that time. A kid, with lot of innocence, sincerity and calm on his face was missing. That time when deepu left the home, he was wearing a shirt and a half pant. He was out to buy some somasa against a hundred rupee note.
One hour ago, Deepu was kidnapped by two men who asked him the way to some street. When deepu was telling the correct way to reach their destination to one of them, other man suffocated deepu with chloroform. Deepu went faint.
It was 10 PM when deepu opened his eyes and found himself wrapped in a blanket sitting between the two men inside a train. Deepu felt something stinging at his back. It was a knife. The man with heavy mustaches, weird hair and stinking smell said in a low voice, “keeping quite will keep you alive”. The next moment two silent tears started their journey reflecting the white light of the compartment. Those two steaks were showing deepu’s lament for his fate. The next figure that came to Deepu’s mind was the figure of a lady who was weeping surrounded by his father, brother, uncles and aunts. People say that a mother always know what’s there in the heart of their kids but that small kid correctly pictured his mother back at home. Deepu wished if this was a dream. But that pinch of knife made him realize that horrifying tragedy. Deepu was wrapped in the blanket with a man who introduced himself as his father to the other passengers. He told the other passengers that deepu was sick and they are taking him to the city to consult a doctor. Deepu watched helplessly at the old women, a child of the same age group and 2 men sitting right in front of him. The Old woman was already in sleep, the child was at the window seat busy watching nothing outside and two men discussing the weather. Deepu heard a voice from nowhere stating that the train is going to arrive at Surat.
At his home family members and close relatives were tired of searching him at every possible place they could imagine. It has been more than four hours their beloved kid was missing. Few of them suggested his father to report the police station. His mother was continuously weeping sometimes loud and sometimes silently. Nobody ate anything and nobody at his home slept that night. It was midnight and the whole colony was talking about the missing deepu. Several thoughts were crossing everyone’s mind every second. But nobody talked about anything wrong that could happen with their sweet heart. It was all silence that filled the house. Only cries and “he will be back” were the sounds that broke that raucous silent laughter of misery that night.
Listless and lethargic Deepu slept again with dry lips and half dry tears in his eyes.
-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

This is an authentic and true story of one of my good friends. To read the further chapters of the story click the link given below. From there you can also download the .PDF version of the story. Thank you.

http://docs.google.com/fileview?id=0B2hNMKEafpdNMmFmZjdmZTAtZDlmNi00OWE4LTg0ZDctMDVhMzE2NDBkMWNm&hl=en

The child I miss!!

The child smiled gaily when he saw a blue colored elephant, yellow colored lion, red monkey and a black colored horse revolving above his head. All of them were tied to the ring with the help of a thread. And the ring was also tied to the rod of the cradle. The animal toys were far from the approach of the baby. But the smile was so genuine which made me doubt if the animals were giggling with him. The baby was amused with it. The baby I am talking about is just 8 months old. He can move around the house on his knees. I cajoled the activities of the child. I sat him free on the floor and rolled away his red football. The boy was looking at the ball very carefully. And the moment ball stopped at the other corner of the room he took a glance over me to show the rage. He dropped the toy he was playing with and with all his strength he reached the ball more quickly than I imagined. He reached the ball; picked it up with both hands and I saw a winsome smile over his face.
I just can't think of any other word but the love. The boy was in love, was in love with the world, with the things around him, his mother, father, anyone who picked him up in his hands, with the milk bottle, toys, with the television, with the cradle and even with the floor. He loved each one of them equally.
Once i was a child too. Was I in love with those things? I don't remember clearly. The things I loved and I remember were my cricket bat, my football, my blue ranger cycle, my colony friends, the cricket matches I played and my family members. Just those and the list is over. Really, i can't think of any other thing.
Now on the day I am writing all this I can't count anything other than my family which I love, just nothing. Every other thing has a better replacement. Laptop, bike, house, friends … yes even the friends, except the few diamonds.
What happened to that child I was talking about? I must have been like that. What happened to that young boy I remember? I don't know. I don't hate anything, but equally I also can't love a thing. What is the thing that mutated me into tushar Sharma you know? Nothing must has changed. My parents still love me the same way they loved me when I was born. I can buy all of those things who would have amused me if I were a baby. What the hell I gained to lose that feeling? The only answer I can pragmatically utter is the Rationality and the truth. These are the villeins I blame.
Who took my open smile of attraction, who took my grin; why my crackle wore a silence, why I became prim?

May everyone find the bliss!!

I felt you lord,
And have seen your work;
I am your growing up child,
And I am receiving your pleasant perks.

Thanks for the care you took during my childhood,
Our foe gave made me suffer;
But I carried on with the strength you gave,
This has made me tougher.

You love me the same way,
I do the love to you;
I know my responsibilities well,
And I will live them up to.

Worshiping you is not the key,
Neither is the praying;
Helping you in your motive is the one,
What everyone must be doing.

Give me some more strength,
I want to work upon foe with a sword;

As he isn’t weak,
I need you to help me lord.

Just give me the strength to go,
Just give me the strength to follow;
We will win on the day,
When every person will become our fellow.

Thank you lord.

How can i love the other ?

How can I love the other?

As,
I have seen a lake,
Right from the top of a hill;
It was like your white curtain,
Blowing against your will;

As,
I have heard the echo of birds,
Right in the middle of a jungle;
I turned around to find them,
But it was your joyous giggle;

As,
I have seen the smoke trailing a ship,
When I was on a beach;
It looked like your hairs,
When I was chasing you and you were out of reach;

As,
I have felt the softness of feather
Which fell down on my cheek;
It was like your lips,
When you gave a good bye kiss for a week;

As,
I have seen the innocence,
Deep in the eyes of a deer;
The same I sensed in your eyes,
When a year was short and a week was longer;

But,
Oh my painted women,
I have never seen you anywhere;
Come true on this earth,
And I will keep you in my heart forever;

As
Here is a life you need to flourish
Come before I get infirm
The hope of a miracle has turned into a wish
And my believe in you is firm


Tell me, how can I love the other?

HOLI

lo ayi hai fir se holi
dikhte hain rang gulaal wahi,neele,peele aur laal wahi
per kyun badla-badla hai,holi ati har saal wahi.

har chehra hansta dikhta hai,per wo pahle si baat nahin,
yun kush dikhne ki koshish main,wo raunak wo jazbaat nahin,
ab rishte uljhe-uljhe hain,har cheez banawat lagti hai,
wo pahle jaisa pyar kahan,wo pahle sa tyohaar kahan?

na rang pyar ka pakka hai aur na wo meethi boli hai.
lo ayi fir se holi hai!!

The Journey of Jealousy

I took a covert glance at my luggage bag over my head and a faint figure of a man with a crown and heavy mustache appeared. The figure had a smirk at me and I twigged that something bad is going to happen with me. On the very next moment a gentleman asked me “is this seat number 27”.
At the very first glance on the man I figured him out as an engineer … especially computer engineer. He was tall, having extremely fair complexion wearing frameless specs. His skinny face was formed of several incidental planes. A straight reply came directly from my heart saying, “It should not be but it is”, but somehow I managed to say “yes it is”.
The man sat beside me. I was going to home from Gwalior in a chair car coach. Seat no. 26 was mine, which was a window seat. Seat no. 27 and 28 were beside me … three in a row. I love travelling by chair car as you get an electricity plug very near to you and also I love the personal food tray facility. It’s the most comfortable place to place your laptop on. I never talk to a male stranger in trains, boys, men and especially the oldies. They are just like volcanoes ready to erupt out all the lava; they collected in their whole life, on you. Pathetic.
Shit, now I got why god was smirking at me. No, it wasn’t too bad for me … after all he is not an oldie I consoled myself. My fate never allowed me to sit beside a pretty girl whether it is a train, a restaurant, bus, or any other place where normally people finds someone special. Well that’s perfectly alright with me, I have learned to live with it. So the journey started as the train moved the man started asking me about my laptop. When did u purchase it? How many grand? I was just replying him in plain and was waiting for a pause of questions from him and as soon as I got one I fished my earphones from my pocket and started listening to the music and writing my diary on the laptop.
The way passed and came the station I was waiting for, the Agra station. I love the station because of two reasons. First I love the tea over there and second and most importantly I love the foreigner girls who came to visit Agra. So I stepped down from the train and enjoyed myself the 10 mins stay of train. I came back to my seat having a smirk on my face which was the result of “hi” I got in reply from a hot and gorgeous foreigner girl. Actually girls are not conservative but they got to act conservative in India I believe. Anyways I was getting back to the seat and I saw a real beautiful girl sitting in my compartment. I wished if a cold breeze can went through my hairs the way it happens to SRK but nothing like that happened. The girl was wearing a white top and blue jeans, brown hairs, fleshy cheeks, small nose and small brown eyes. I don’t consider big eyes beautiful and I doubt the people who consider big eyes beautiful because otherwise I would have heard a song like “aakein teri gaai (cow) si, hirni si teri chal ” … so overall she was looking beautiful (mall - slang). I was getting nearer to her but she didn’t notice me.
“My god. What’s that … is she sitting on my row of seat ? gosh! Yes … she is at 28 ”, I said to myself and my heart missed a beat.
“excuse me”, I said. Without any reply and without looking at me she moved her legs to give me a way.
I settled down on the seat politely like the most decent guy on the earth.
“So what interests you”? said the boy near to me. I quickly moved my eyes to his face as I thought he was talking to me and I was about to say, “This world”. But no, the question wasn’t asked to me, it was for the girl. “harami saala”, I murmured.
“Paintings”, gaily replied the girl.
“ohh .. paintings”, the boy replied like he, his father, his grandfather and all other family members are into this business form centuries, M. F. hussain was his student and it was him who purchased the most expensive and famous painting ever sold.
“what kind of painting?”, he again asked.
“all kind of paintings but especially the Oil paintings and glass paintings” she replied sincerely.
Why I am so dumb in paintings I cursed myself. I had never colored a painting with wax colors even when the sketch has been drawn by someone other.
“Really? That’s cool”, he said.
I smiled like a winner. “beta, u don’t know a thing about paintings I know”, I spoke in my mind.
“And how about you, what interests you?” , she asked to him.
“Paintings”, he replied.
My heart stopped beating as if I heard that our train was going to collide with Shatabdi express which is coming on the same track and we are going to die today.
The girl moved and faced the boy with her eyes into his eyes and said “are you serious? ”.
Before the boy replied my chaha chaudhary kind of mind replied “I don’t know if he is serious or not but I am going to be seriously ill … call the ambulance”
“I don’t make jokes about my profession”, he said.
“Are you a professional painter”, she asked with all the excitement of the world, like she is going to have a trip of Disney land.
“No, I am an artist and I paint … don’t call it a painter”, he said with the expression which said “yes I am tom cruise”.
I turned my face towards the glass window. It was dark that time and the glass pane was reflecting that man like a mirror. I tried to find the reflection of the girl by moving my angle of incidence here and there but it was of no use. She was behind that man. I tried to look outside but it was dark. I tried to take a closer look towards the glass pane and I came to see my eyes full of anger, pity, and sorrow. Poor me I said.
“So what you have painted till now, Mr. Artist ”.
“Not much, but yes I put my 5 of my paintings to an exhibition last month and I sold 4 of them at good price I guess”.
“why not the fifth one?”
“it’s close to my heart, not for sale”.
It must be his girl friend’s or may be wife’s painting. Oh yes … he can be a married man I thought. It was a relief for me to think that way. But how come I can know that. Men must wear Mangalsutrs after marriage and should put some bindi vindi type things on their head I thought. No, I immediately said to myself … after all hopefully I am also going to be married after few years.
“ohh …”, the girl said.
“so, which one is your favorite painting? ” she asked.
“The massacre of the innocents by Peter Paul Rubens ”, he said generously.
“Never heard of that”, she replied.
“What ? you never heard about that famous painting of Sir Rubens”, he said in a tone which was going to be too embarrassing for the girl.
Now I was with girl. I have never heard of any painting other than Monalisa, by Vinci.
“No”, she replied surprisingly in a shameless tone.
I know these girls are never so zealous in their efforts and they think they know the tits and tats of the trade just by mugging up the small information. I have always believed this and it got an affirmation today.
“ok … it is a painting painted by sir Rubens in 1611-12 and it depicts an episode of the biblical Massacre of the Innocents. The latest auction price was 45 million euro.”
45 million euro … India will be a rich nation, I thought, if such amount is distributed among the needy people and I consider myself one of the needy ... 45 million euro distributed among 1.12 billion ... my mind tried hard to calculate the per head amount in rupees just before I heard the next statement.

“I would like to see your work someday if the time permits”, she said.
And one more girl has fallen for someone other than me, I thought. I was about to punch the window. Ohhh shit … this is why I saw god smirking at me. Jaipur was still 2 hrs from there and I was just restless to jump off the train right now.
After listening to few more details of their talks I came to the conclusion that both of them were from Agra.
“I can send you the digital pictures of my painting if I can have your email id ”, he said.
I was resting putting my head against the window and watching effortlessly the little sparks of light outside the window and after hearing the last words said by the man my mind shuddered my ears to hear the reply.
“its aastha_crazy2005@ ….. ”, she said.
“crazy ? yes she must be crazy … who make their username like that”, I thought. My mind replied “girls”.
After that the paintings topic just went away and they started talking about their sounding boring but uttered like extremely adventurous college and school lives. I found resting more comfortable and I again put my head against the window pane.
After an hour and when I was counting minutes left to reach Jaipur I heard most heartbreaking news.
“It must be your wife’s portrait”, she has said.
“Oh yes .. the fifth one .. the one which will always remain unsold .. yes its mine love’s portrait ”, the man replied with a gay smile on his face, and I believe Neil Armstrong must has smiled the same way when he putted his first step on moon.
He was a married man. I guess i missed that detail while i was saying "hi" to the foreigner. But this time I wasn’t happy .. instead It was a news that brought astonishment with grief. I said “yaar is type ki ladkia bhi shaadi shuda log pata lenge toh humara kya hoga???”

i don't know whether listening to that conversation would have been more painful for me or not if i knew from the start that the man was married.

Oh yes ... that's peculiar but true !!

Oh yes I was in love,

with those brown eyes under the spectacle,

with those cheeks with the smoothness of marble,

with those pink lips wearing the joy of river,

with that crafted nose too slender,

with those hairs having a hint of curl,

with that walk which seemed to me like a twirl

I was in love with a girl,

who was an idol of shyness,

who did the love which she couldn’t confess

for whom expressing love was a boundary not to transgress

whose single thought is enough to obsess

for whom I would have died to caress

oh yes, I was in love with a girl who could have made my life with a yes.

EK DOST MERA

ek dost mera hai pyara sa
rehta hai is dharti per,hai is duniya se nyara sa.


ek din usne aaker yun hi mere darwaze dastuk di
kuch parichay thodi nok-jhonk,yu apni dosti shuru hui
wo soorat ka bhi acha hai aur seerat ka bhi acha hai
samjhe hai khud ko bada bahut per kahin ekdum bacha hai.


kabhi chanchal bahte pani sa kabhi hai gambhir samandar sa
kabhi hai kitab sa khula hua kabhi simta ander ander sa
wo khud se baatain karta hai na jane kis se darta hai
kabhi hansta hai is duniya pe kabhi dil hi dil main rota hai.


wo dena chahe pyar bahut per khud pane se bachta hai
kitne shaq shikve tark prashni sab sath liye jo chalta hai
kuch khafa-khafa sa rehta hai ishwar se duniyawalon se
khud hi jawab likh deta hai khud se hi kiye sawalon se.


kahne ko to hai abhi bahut per thoda aur samajhna hai
kuch hona hai usk jaisa kuch usko mujh sa karna hai
hai dua yahi sache dil se jo chahe wo pa jaye wo
khush rahe hanse aur muskaye is jag pe cha jaye wo.


raj rakhoon ye ab keh doon kya uska naam bataoon main?
fir sochoon kya hai namon main ya leke naam bulaoon main?
jo jane usko samajh gaye hai naam bada hi pyara sa
EK DOST MERA HAI PYARA SA IS DUNIYA SE NYARA SA!!
--

सच है या कोई कहानी है

tuze khuda maana maine,
ibadat mein sar zhukaya ;
aakh band ki toh tera deedar huya,
laga jaise is baar tune muze aajmaya;

liye sath tujhko chala main safar pe,
tha vishwas man main ,thoda sa sahq bhi;
na khwahish thi man main na koi tamanna,
socha,na mangoonga kuch bhi kabhi bhi;

is ghar ko dekhoon ya dil ki sunoon main,
rahan sochta kya jagah tujhko doon main;
ae khuda teri khamosh si wo khudai,
na chaha,jagha fir bhi dil main banai;


toofaano ki ahat thi aur raat amavas si kali,
kya mujhpe giregi ye bijli?main sahma sa ghabraya sa;
per tera bharosa tha mun main koi shaq koi sawal na tha,
toofan ghira,bijli kadki,gahraya raton ka saya;

bijli giri mujhpe hi giri,
mera ghar pal main khaq hua;
jo tera ek bharosa tha,
ghar k sang wo bhi rakh hua;

ab sirf badan pe dhabbe hai ,

aur in aankhon main pani hai;
tera hona ya na hona,

sach hai ya koi kahani hai?

tu qayar hai ya bujdil hai,deta hai kabhi kabhi dokha?
vishwas hua jab maine apna jhulsa hua badan dekha.

dil ka wo kona khali hai jo maine tujhe diya tha kabhi,
ab tera koi nishan nahin,koi yaad koi ehsaas nahin.

fursat se aaker dekh kabhi,jo daag liye main firta hoon;
na aisee khudai baksh kabhi,ab yahi dua bas karta hoon!!!!