text:book :: people:world

To highlight the useful and important, I am used to underline the words and sentences i like while reading a text. The other possible way to doing so could be cutting off the lines i don't like. I don't do this. And as far as i have seen this world, nobody does. I don't cut them off because i know that those underlined words won't mean a thing if the surrounded text is blackened.
Such is the day to day life. You will meet very few people of your kind or whom you would like to keep in touch. You make a mental note about those people that "he is a nice chap", or "she is a good girl", or "that man is worth talking". But this doesn't make an analogy to the above example of text. We often feed ourselves with the ugly image of a person; which means cutting off some of the text from this book of people. Don't do that.
Don't cut off the text and keep your book neat and clean. No, not to show it to anyone else, but for your own selfish sake. Who want to read a messed book?

The balance of life

“Ahhh ... ”, cried my TV.
“And this is what I call the killer kick, my favorite one”, I said with excitement to my younger brother.
We were playing “The Spartan “, the favorite much more than pass time for both of us. It was just a few days back in the summer of 1999 when we purchased our video game player. I was 14 years old that time and my younger brother was just 10. He has always been better than me in most of the things we do together even now. I hope he is not reading this text.
The Spartan is a single as well as double player game in which you find yourself in a castle to fight with the other Spartans. During every stage you have to fight with almost 20 other Spartans and then at the time you exit that very part of the castle you have to fight with a monster having enormous power with which both of the team players has to fight, and the death of the opponent concludes the stage. Initially the blood level of both the players is displayed as 100% which lowers down according to the energy consumed while fighting and when you get a hit form the opponent. As you are a Spartan you also have an ability to jump high across the opponent and run away form them in order to preserve you blood.
“Don’t tell me that you have done the hell of a job. I could have also killed that silly bastard, And see with how much blood you are left with … 20 … just 20 … god damn it … I am not going to play with you again … now how we would fight the giant”, said my brother with lot of grief and anger.
When you play a video game or any other game you intuitively just want to win the game at any cost. It wasn’t like I was playing the game just for fun. The motive was clear in my mind too. And I was also so desperate to clear the stage. But I couldn’t resist myself to show my skills and power that time. I can’t resist it even now.
My brother was still left with 60% blood.
“Don’t you be apprehensive kiddoo … we will make”, I said.
“And don’t you call me kiddoo … no body is a kid over here, at least not me … you got that?” yelled my brother his lungs out.
“Do you need a solution guys”, my mother asked from the kitchen.
“No, mom … we are fine … we are not fighting not even a spat is happening over here. We are good”, both of us said because we know the way our mom was used to solve this very problem. Her solution was just simply plugging out the connecting cable between the video game device and the TV. And none of us wanted it to happen.
“and here comes the monster … god damn him how can he look so ugly?”, I said.
I still had 20% of my blood and my brother was still left with 60%.
My brother started giving him a tough time by jumping, hitting, defending, and then hitting.
“Let me deal with this bastard.” I said with a rush of blood in my head.
Kick, punch, flying kick, I was offending the giant.
“Save your blood”, said my highly concentrated brother.
One angry punch from the giant to my player.
“NO … NO”, and I dropped my remote in the bed.
Now sooner or later my brother’s player will also be dead and we would need to start the whole stage again, I thought with lot of grievance.
And same thing happened.
Giant killed both of us.
“I asked you to preserve you blood the million times, but you overheard it. Why can’t you control you self during the easy part of the stage”.
“I just can’t … ok ok … I will try to do it from now … ok”. I said.
My brother was right; he has asked to do so million of times. But I was helpless with myself. I saw an enemy in all of them. I wanted to give a clean sweep and win the stage. That thought was out of my control. I just wanted to demolish every single thing that came to my way.
We again happily started playing the stage without remembering the exchanged words.
Now after almost 10 years, today I recalled all these things and even now when I see both of us I find the same prominent difference between us. The valuable blood that was wasted during those games has become the time, money, emotions. Those stages have turned into years I have invested over the future. Those small other enemy Spartans has turned into day to day chores, office staff, detractors, and even sometimes they come out of me. That big giant has turned himself into the life time opportunities like job, career, other ambitions and search of a good partner.
Every thing is same behind the mask and I doubt I also am. I have always been hard on myself; I pushed myself like a machine into the things which enticed me a little without keeping the morality in mind. If I am doing a thing I must be best at it or I should not involve myself into an alien thing. With this in mind either I have lost many opportunities in life or I have wasted lot of efforts over the unimportant things.
You don’t really need to waste your energy over the small things that do not matter when you are running a marathon against time; neither you should waste your precious emotional assets over unimportant and non deserving people. These day-to-day enervating, suffocating happenings doesn’t need so much efforts. You never need to put yourself too hard for these things when you really have something big to do in your mind, something important. Yes it is all about setting your priorities; it is all about balancing yourselves which speak through the actions.

The tough lesson

"So, what do you think life is for?" said the old man.
"Sir, the life is for keeping the promises, the promises I made to myself, to my parents and to the society," the young man answered warily.
"Good", said the old man in an affirmative tone. "And what do you think about the subject?" he asked to another man sitting in front of him.
"Sir, I never gave a thought about this subject, I take my life as it comes and I think this is the simplest way to lead the life indeed."
"You mean you have never planned for the future, aren't you futuristic?"
"No, not literally, I plan my days, I plan my weeks but planning the life and sticking to the plan is something which I think is not a pragmatic approach." The young man answered.
I heard those words and was getting really very interested in the discussion holding over there. And the familiar voice of my friends made me more involved. I was holding the door half opened with my eyes on the face of the man who was in his fifties. I knew the man was a senior scientist at DRDO India. He was a short person, slightly overweight with a clean fair skin. Few bright white hairs were left on his head, which were elegantly combed aside on his head. He was wearing a white shirt which made his appearance brighter. He has putted his glasses on the tip of his nose and was watching my friends, over the specs, with his experienced wide brown eyes; he was discovering the hidden information in their faces. My friends had cleared the written test, which I flunked, and were in the interview room for the final scrutiny. As a placement representative, of M.Tech course, I was there to inform the scientist about the conformation of his train ticket to Delhi. He was at our college for recruiting some students whom he finds suitable for the job of a junior scientist.
The man sensed my presence and gave a glance at me. I was also wearing a white full sleeves shirt and a dark blue trouser with self lining. I was looking very fresh and energetic. I had always been admired for my looks whenever I wore formal clothes.
"yes, Mr. …" said the scientist.
"Tushar", I said.
"Tushar. Yes tushar, tell me what made you to come over here?"
"Sir, I am pleased to tell you that your return ticket to Delhi has been recently confirmed."
"Oh! Thank you very much for the information. I was bit worried about it."
This was my turn to say "mentions not sir". But I didn't say so. I was eager to hear the next question from the scientist and was more eager to listen the answer from my friends. I didn't move and took a moment to sneak the next question.
"What's the matter with you? Do you have some other thing to tell?" old man figured the situation out and asked. His old eyes didn't miss the excitement on my face.
"No Sir, I don't have anything more to tell", I replied.
"If you think that we are discussing something of your very interest then you are also invited to be a part of the discussion", he asked me in a questioning ascent.
I thought for a moment and entered the room. He offered me a chair and I sat comfortably to hear the proceedings. I looked at my friend's face and smiled cheerily.
The man turned his face to me and asked me to share my ideas on the last question. I was balked.
I said, "Sir I didn't had any intention to be a part of your philosophical discussion. I was just interested in the story you guys were about to make."
"Ok, then be a part of the story", he said.
"Life", I muttered and gathered the courage to speak out my thoughts.
"Sir, life is an opportunity." I said tersely.
"Explain", He said.
"Life comes as an opportunity to everyone, as an opportunity to realize your dreams. This life has given us a time bound to which we will be on this earth. What is the most necessary thing that a man will ever need to make himself a successful person? Time, yes the time is the most vital part. Now while you are given a healthy body with an agile mind, what else do you need to be successful? The answer is time, Lifetime. So I think the life is an opportunity given by the almighty to realize our dreams."
"Well said Tushar, but what opportunity do you see in your life, I mean what is your dream?"
"I don't wish to tell you the answer of this question", I sounded slightly truculent. I regretted it the very next moment but the next thought that came to my mind gave me a respite. I thought that these DRDO people deserve to be treated in this way. I was bit relaxed as I know that my words has won a little revenge for me.
Actually I had gone through an agony caused by the recruitment department of DRDO. DRDO calls the engineering graduates, by public issues, to prove their candidature for the post of a scientist. The final selection requires an aspirant to clear the concealed cutoff criteria and the procedure follows an interview as the final process of scrutiny of a candidate. The interview is taken by a panel of senior scientists.
With sudden resentment and slight astonishment he asked me "what's the issue in telling me about your dreams?"
"You guys don't care about dreams", I said it plain.
This kind of attitude was somewhat unbearable for such an eminent person. But my answers were of little attraction for him. He tried to convince me over his question and said, "Who told you that?"
"No one, I had an experience, the experience which I am afraid to recall", I murmured.
The man was grim. But he further asked me to tell me my story and experience.
Now this was the time I was annoyed. "Whatever it is, how it is supposed to help me or you anyway?" I said.
"It may win you a job if there has been any injustice with you", he said.
I thought this was only to placate me because that old man wanted to hear my story, a failure story, which has always been a sense of amusement for people, especially the old ones.
Now, as a result of my momentary thought and the bitter memories, I got impudent. "No thanks for your mercy job, but yes, I will surely tell you the story." I was going to confess the things I left unconfessed to my own mind. I added, "The day was 21st Nov 2008, I had a call from your recruitment and training center at New Delhi. I was all set to go to interview room. I had prepared my life's' best for the job of a scientist. For whole 4 months I had made the most sincere efforts anyone could possibly make. I had turned the hell to earth during those days. I could have given my eyeteeth for this job. I prepared hard for the written test and then on the harder side I prepared for the interview. I heard that in the interview I would be asked about my engineering project, I was not convinced with mine, so I engineered another project for the sake of that mere interview. I didn't leave any stone unturned. I was confident before entering the room. I went into the interview room and got seated at the front of the panel. The interview began with some questions on my favorite subjects. I answered the questions politely and precisely. I continued answering almost all of the questions asked to me. The session extended for few more questions but this time the topic has been flipped. All the panel members exchanged a suspicious smile to one another. Then suddenly one of the member started asking irrelevant and absurd questions. I acted astonished on the questions and that was obvious, I continued answering them as far as my knowledge allowed me to, but I knew in my heart that I am not answering them properly. I asked them to flip the topic because I was not comfortable with the current one. But one of them said "It's up to us". Those hungry vultures were merciless. I showed them my project report and the man at the center put that report aside without glancing at it, and said "I know you are prepared for it". I couldn't keep my calm and now the situation got even worse and so were the questions. I plainly kept showing my inability to answer. They took half an hour to prove me that I was no good for the job. Now you tell me where was I wrong? I gave all the answers I was supposed and they knew it that I was quite good at the technical side. I was a dupe"
I ended the last sentence with a fury. I was about to leave the room and gave my last glance to his face and was hoping to see a red face. Contrary to my thought, he was smiling.
"What? Ok you don't bother to answer, I will better leave the room", I said and stood up.
Now the man had a broader smile. He said "you have just told me the answer."
I was astonished. "And what is that?" I asked, being little down at tone.
"You are feeling so bad because you have just failed a project of life which you kept feeding with your blood for 4 months. In our organization, I have seen many projects, which were down after sucking the matter from a group of scientist for 20 years. If you were at their place, you must have committed a suicide and would have left the whole organization in an agony. But those soldiers never said a die and kept working on the same project for next few years after fixing the bug out and at last they made the whole country proud. Don't you know, what are the other things that make you a successful scientist besides the knowledge? "
"What else?" I said.
"Courage; never tiring attitude; calm; patience." These are the other things which you lack and these were the things which they read on your face and were testing you for.
I popped up out of the blanket; the dream caused me nightly cold sweats. This was the month of February, and the result of DRDO had come approximately 2 months before. I flunked it. For these two months I always had some prominent thought in my mind, those were not exactly the thoughts, those were the question which I kept asking to myself. "How could a man fail after making all his earnest efforts? Does this fate thing matter this much? Then why a man should aspire? He must set himself free and let the fate decide. What was the blunder I happened to make?" I stopped enjoying the friends gathering, I quit watching movies. I was about to push myself in depression. I began reading motivational texts, all of them preached the way to quest your dreams. I would have done quite well if those texts were to take as a guideline. I couldn't found any possible answers to my ineluctable questions.
In my younger days, seldom, I was able to solve the most baffling mathematical problems in my dreams, and I was always able to remember the solution in the morning. But still, on the day today I can't believe that my most important lesson was taught by a dream. Next day I stuck a large white sheet on the wall of my room which said my learning in a very aesthetic way. I still have that poster, it says "If you are not rewarded with what you expected, don't gloom. Just believe, the day will come, the day will come when the stars will ally in your favor, the taste of victory you will savor, just have to carry on with the same vigor and people will call you a soldier."

The Cost of Happiness

The speedometer was displaying 70 Km/hr, a white Honda City was ahead on the road traveling in same direction. I tried to buzz the car many times to let me pass the way but couldn't succeed. Finally at a moment I saw some room at the left of the car, and accelerated my bike. The car was around 20 meters ahead. As soon as I accelerated my vehicle to pass on, the car indicated to left turn, lowered down the pace and turned sharply. I put a sudden break on my speed, jammed the bike and luckily missed the accident by half a meter. I started yelling at the car driver without considering the distance, and his rolled up windows. I continued abusing him for the next 10 seconds and started up again. Now I could saw the traffic on the road which was not in my vision while I was driving at high speed.
I never drive my vehicle fast with a rage in mind. But today I did. I was upset with something. Nothing much really happened today, I reminded, while driving cautiously except facing the wrong attitude of a very dear friend of mine. In the later part of the day I scolded my junior at office when he asked me to permit him leaving early today.
I started my small trip from the office and was trying to reach the home as early as possible. But now I didn't want to go to the home. I passed the side way which leads me to my home every day and kept moving on. After a ride for 3 more kilometers I saw a small shopping complex. I had never been there before. It was looking like a quite place having few shops and few visitors. I promptly stopped my bike there. The time was around 6 PM and it was already dark. The parking area was just a few meters away from the complex. I parked my bike over there and sat over it. The parking guard came to me and asked me to pay for parking my bike over there. I was high on temper even that time. I shouted at him and said "are you nuts! Can't you see that I am not parking my bike? I will sit over it after putting it over the stand. I am not going to leave my bike and I won't ask you to take care of it". The guard replied politely that he can't allow that otherwise his supervisor will kill him. I quietly started my bike again and stopped it few meters away beside a tea maker. I asked him for tea and begin enjoying every sip of that ginger tea walking slowly nearby the shopping area. There was something in my mind, or many things were there in my mind I must better say. I was walking real slowly keeping my head down and thinking about the happenings these days. Suddenly I saw a 50 Rs note lying on the ground. I picked it up without thinking much about what I will do with it and putted it into the pocket.
I decided not to use that money and donate it to someone needy around. Now I was searching for the right being who can be in need of that money. My eyes stopped at a boy who must have been around 12-13 years old to this earth. I stand aside and started noting his activities. He was a servant at the road side fast food center with around 10 tables. The boy was serving the food, filling up the empty glasses over there. I watched his activities. He was doing his work with all his vigor. But it was very clearly written on his face that he surely didn't like his job much. Suddenly he turned around and yelled at a old man "buddhe, can't you hear what I said. Go to that table and clean up the mess there". The old man who must have been in his 70's quietly picked up a piece of dirty cloth and cleaned up the mess over there. The boy yelled again "buddhe, bring up 4 clean glass to this table" and the old man followed. That old man has wrapped himself in an old jacket, his hairs were dirty white and he was wearing worn slippers. His eyes were paranoiac. I watched the old man for another 5 minutes; he continued taking orders from the other members of the shop and did his work quietly without any expression at his face.
I found my candidate. I walked a few steps ahead called the old man up. I asked him "kaka ji, do you drink alcohol"? The man replied straightly "no sir, I don't do these kind of things." I fished out that 50 rupee note from my pocked and forwarded it to the old man. The man was completely shocked. He took a backward step and said "no sir, I can't do this". I really don't know why did I actually asked the man about alcohol but yes I am an anti alcoholic person and I don't want others to drink it at least not for the money I have given to them. So, realizing what the old man was thinking I again forwarded the note to him saying "please use the money the way you want". The old man took the note from me and just said "sahib aap kahan rahete ho?" I replied "it doesn't really matter", saying this to him I putted up my helmet and started walking towards my bike. I didn't turn back started my bike to leave for the home.
I was feeling quite relieved during the ride and was pondering over the question "what made me to give that money to that old man?" and "what is the thing that has relieved me?"
I don't consider myself as a kind person. I have never helped anyone with such an amount of money of my own. By the time of reaching the home I figured out the answer lies in the fact that "for big cricket fan, who aspired to be a cricketer once in his life, watching someone celebrating a century in the middle of the ground brings up the feeling of joy." It's like you know that you can never cherish the moment like that player and you satisfy yourself by thinking of the pleasure he is having at the middle of the ground. The same thing happened with me. I couldn't have purchased happiness with those 50 Rs, but I made someone happy with that small amount of money which in turn brought me the happiness which I would have failed to purchase.