The grace world has lost.

“Daddy!!! “, little Arjun ran down the hall to the armchair his daddy was resting on after a long day at office.

“humm”, his father nodded without exercising his shut eyelid.

“look daddy, what I have drawn”

“ohh .. let’s see what my little Picaso has drawn today”.

With a little struggle with his posture his dad took the drawing sheet into his hand and had a quick look over the drawing his 7 year old son has made. The boy was curious, his performance was being measured and he was already giggling expecting a quick result. His father has always been happy to see his paintings and even has appreciated and encouraged his performances of wax drawing.
But today his father was silent rather disappointed. His father took his spectacles from the table and took a closer look into his drawing.

Now Arjun was anxious.

His drawing pictured 5 giant skyscrapers, far away in vision, having a very little distance between them. They were colored differently with bright colors. Above a skyscraper half sun was visible. The half visible sun was filled with bright yellow color showering full rays, depicted by lines, all around. Nearby the sun, Arjun drew a black helicopter which was going from above the skyscrapers. Below the skyscraper Arjun drew few roads with cars racing each other. The drawing was satisfactory despite lacking some kind of neatness and few colors with which the buildings were colored. Little cars were yet to be colored.

After having a look at the drawing Arjun’s father remembered his childhood days. He remembers what they were used to draw when they were asked to draw some scenery. In their drawings there were mountains which Arjun replaced with skyscrapers, there have been an orange colored morning sun, which was used to be depicted as a friend of earth not the enemy. There have been some birds in the sky which Arjun replaced with the helicopter and there were green lush grounds in which children were pictured happy playing some game and there have been a lake aside. That was the picture of the days which they could imagined the best.

Father was still silent, he took his spectacles off.

“I know I haven’t colored it properly yet” Arjun said.

“Give it back, let me color it more properly and I m sure you will like it then”, Arjun clinched his drawing sheet back in a flash and rushed back to his room.

His father came into his previous relaxed posture, realized how far today’s generation is from the natural beauty. This generation doesn’t know how great it is to be surrounded by the nature. How beautiful the sun looks when it is orange. What does the shadow of a tree mean when an exhausted traveler rests under it? How cool and how quenching is the water of a pot. How melodious a cuckoo sings and what a swarm of birds in the sky look like. These kids are far away from the gifts of the nature.

“How different their world is? He only knows what I have made known to him.”, he spoke in his mind.

With this thought next day his father woke up at 6:00 AM and took Arjun to the terrace of their apartment which was the roof of the 15th floor. From there Arjun's father tried to show him the sky he never cared of. Arjun's father really tried to convince Arjun over the view of the world he had in his eyes. Then accompanied with Arjun he went for a long drive into the woods of the city where the mankind would have hopefully left something for Arjun to be learned and admire.

My first white hair

Chapak .. chapak … I was washing my face in the washbasin.

Swiping my face with my hands from eyes to chin, I looked into the mirror. My hair are always disheveled, I thought. I used my hands to settle them down, these should go to the left and these should be on the right portion of my head. Why do we have so much hair on our head as compared to other living beings I thought, maybe these are there to hide what is going in the mind. As other species have little mind and small thoughts so they don’t need hair. But why do the girls have more hair than boys? Maybe they have few highly confidential things in their mind and those long hair are for the security purposes. I smiled with thought in mind.  

These silly hair can’t settle, I m doing this to you from almost last 25 years don’t you guys know whether you belong to the right or to the left; I said to few of them. 25 years, yes I will be 25 this 27^th june I remembered. But what’s new in this. On the next moment a hair got my notice. First I confused it with some other shiny thing but when I tried to pick it up I figured out it to be a hair. Ohhh. So this is new on this 27^th june. A smile came to mind, not on the face, it was in the mind that I have stepped into the world of matures. Now I need to be more sophisticated, no one would allow me to do mistakes; I only will be responsible for what I do. More age, more experience of the world, more liabilities to bear and lot more. It is always very difficult to being right always. 

 

“Only dogs will accompany us in the restaurant”, one of my friends shouted. He snapped the swarm of thoughts coming to my mind and reminded me that I was washing my face as I have to go to a restaurant to have dinner tonight.  

“We will also find some drunkards, don’t worry”, I replied in a high pitch.

“I counted them with dogs”, my friend replied and with a laugh I came out of the washroom.  

All three of us hurried to the restaurant. While the way I thought that now I must start practicing sophistication. But I am dressed up like a boy, not like a gentleman I thought. No, it’s not about your dress, it’s all about reacting, I contradicted.  

We reached the restaurant.

“By the way what’s your age Akhilesh”, I asked one of my friend.

“27, but why?”, he replied.

“No, I just asked like that. Nothing serious” I replied.

“And how about your age Ashish “, I asked.

 “It’s 28, going to be 29 soon, but what’s the matter with you”, he asked.

“No, I m just wondering you guys are over 25 and still you do all the things a young man do, don’t you guys think that you need to show some maturity in day to day life, how can you still be raucous while laughing and how you can still play the computer games, how you can still put your right hand over your heart when you see a sizzling girl passing by and how you can still smoke on the road. Don’t you find such things immature which should be left when you steps in this phase of life. I mean we know all these things don’t worth, staring at a girl, passing on the fake smile, and then on the next moment putting your hand on your friend’s shoulder and saying pathetically that I will be a better man if I will get her in my life. I mean we are doing this from last 10 years and that time was a fun for sure. But now? ”

Both of them looked down at their plates and start eating.

“So what shall we do, should we start calling every girl BETI?” Akhliesh said.

All of us shared the laugh.

We can utter some dialogues to show superiority like “beta yeh kaam toh hum bachpan mein kar k chod chuke hai”, Akhilesh said.

Pointing to the few white hair Ashish said “beta yeh baal dhoop mein safed nahi huye hai”

With age you gets respect, doesn’t matter you deserve it or not. It is also a phase to live and its immutable.

I was almost convinced. And I said it with a smile of satisfaction ”After all having a large number in your account is advantage, may it be the no. of rupees in your bank account or may it be the age.”

Later in the night, lying in the bed, I counted if there are any fronts where I need to be mature from now. And I counted them to none. I have always been mature enough. I was always aware of being socially and individually right. I never took anything for granted not even the fun. I always knew its worth. Although fun doesn’t worth the life but life is worthless without fun. We have fun to be ecstatic for a moment. We laugh on idiotic things to have some light moments in the life forgetting the burdensome tasks we do daily. Fun doesn’t has to do anything with age.

“But I need to change something this b’day. Not every b’day is your 25^th bday”, I thought. Let’s call it special and take a resolution. But what?

What would I change from my 25^th b’day?

After a long series of idea->yes? No. Idea->yes? No; I concluded -

I would surely stop ignoring the hair dye and hair color advertisements on tv.

This answer was enough to bring a smile in my mind and on my face too.

I wish my father quarrel with my mom every day:

Leaping to keep up the pace, clutching the index figure of his dad, little Arjun took a small jump of exhilaration in the air. After few steps to the parking bay he asked his dad the same question which has not been answered by his father since evening “Dad, how often we can enjoy like this”. Without saying a word his father kept walking to the car. In between the drive to their home Arjun kept on cherishing the few hours he spend the day out with his dad. He had a visit to an amusement park where he did all the fun he wanted to do for months. He remembered of the Roller coaster ride he had few months back when he visited the same park with his parents. Today the excitement was doubled when he made a new friend in the park and had the same roller coaster ride again. At the front seat of his car he was still feeling the same excitement.

After having a lot of fun in the amusement park Arjun and his father had a terrific dinner at a restaurant. The dinner was all Arjun’s pick. He was so very happy that evening because after a long pleading to his father and mother Arjun finally did all he asked his parents for. Arjun was almost blond, well mannered, fair skinned 6 year old boy. He was known for his sensibility at this age. His loneliness has made him independent of any help, all a 6 year old boy need to have, to finish his daily chores. With both the parent working, Arjun had a lot of time to spend alone and think about himself. He had to spend almost 6 hours with their house help maid waiting his parents to arrive home from the work. While his mother’s timings were almost fixed and she arrives daily at 8 PM, his father’s work had no particular timing to reach the home. But he always tried to finish all his work till 9 PM and that was the time when they had a formal family meeting while the dinner after which Arjun was asked to sleep with the house help as he has to arise early in the morning for the school. This was the daily routine of the family members among whom the maid  was the only one who had to bear the major responsibilities of Arjun.

But today was Arjun’s the favorite day. The Sunday; the day when his all family have to be at the home for the whole day long. When the car took the final turn to reach the home, the pathetic thought of abiding the same old pathetic daily routine swarmed to his mind. But the pleasure continued. After reaching the home Arjun’s dad followed Arjun to his room. Arjun had a separate room in the big apartment where he was supposed to be with the maid during the night too. But today was a special day. Arjun’s dad ordered the maid to sleep somewhere else as he decided to sleep with Arjun. While giggling in the bed with his dad, lying keeping his head over his arm, sharing his innocent experiences, talking about his friends and teachers at school, Arjun read a lot of affection in his dad’s eyes. Suddenly he stopped while talking about one of his friend. When you are  at the end of a very pleasant experience, the thought of its end seems to be the end of the world to you. The same thought snapped Arjun too. The same question came to his mind again and he again and finally he asked it to his dad again, “Dad, how often we can have the same fun we had today”. His definition of fun was all about the time he had with his father today. It wasn’t more about the amusement park, nor was it more about his favorite dishes.

 “Very often”, his dad replied to placate him keeping his eyes into his.

Arjun was quite. Even when he got the answer in his favor he was expressionless. May be he couldn’t trust the answer his father gave to him.

After a moment of silence Arjun spoke, “I wish you to quarrel mother everyday”. Arjun turned aside removing his dad’s arm under his head, and turned off the lights.

Arjun’s dad went in the journey to the past to figure out what went wrong in the past years when he did almost everything in his power to keep his son happy.

Arjun was still awake. After a long duration, in the dark room, without changing his posture he said, “You share bed with me only when you have some issues with the mother and this is why I want you to quarrel mother every day”.

His dad was speechless. Speechless and balked with the immutable truth his son said. He tried to feel the pain his child had in his heart. But the time you are adult you become impotent to feel such emotions which can only spurt out in a child’s heart. The whole night he kept thinking “can I obviate the problem by sleeping with my kid every night”. The answer was NO. This was the most logical, amiable agreeable and pragmatic thing to be done according to his dad.

But this was not all his son needed to be happy. The mistake has been done. And no one was going to forget it.

Next day Arjun ripped away all the pages from his wish book and on the first page of it there was a new entry with black sketch pen which read “I WISH MY FATHER QUARREL WITH MY MOM EVERY DAY”

Wanna sale certainty ... ??

What does it take to sale certainty in this uncertain world; to the uncertain people with the uncertain mind? what? Its certainty. Certainty? is that your answer? ... Yes, you just need to be certain that you can sale it and the people will agree upon it. That's the part confidence play. The counter term for certainty is the uncertainty. You got to negate it too. Its the human nature they offend you often with their uncertainty.
let's take a short example ...

You are in good mood, your wife asks you to go out for a movie. You say "yehh .. why not." just promptly. You said it .. now the next thought that comes to your mind is the phone call your friend made an hour ago asking you to play table tennis today and you nodded him too.
You take your eyes off from your wife and the next moment you again look to her and say "yehh .. we will go .. get ready" plainly, thinking of that your friend will understand but your wife won't and you sacrifice your tennis match which you were waiting for the whole week. Now you are certain that you want to go with your wife ... although it took a lot but still you are certain that your friend will understand and you may have some good time with your wife. You are certain now .. quite certain.

Now your wife who is a very very very keen observer noticed you taking your eyes off after the first nod. she says "Are you sure bob ... you really wanna go ?"

Now a doubt comes to your mind .. you asks yourself again .. "do i really really wanna go with her ?" ..
"Man can do some sacrifices too .. and yes i should go with her .. come on .. i have said yes to her a moment before and after all with whom the else she is supposed to go out with ..", your soul speaks and you say "yes darling ... we shall go", this time with a genuine smile over your face.

"We shall go or we must go, you are always so uncertain bob ..?"
you are quite.. smile gone .. just taking a breath to utter that "you want to go and we should leave", but your thought gets snapped ... and your wife says "aahaaan .. i got it .. you were talking to Bill few minutes ago and you said the same words to him too .. that we shall go .. how mean you are", your wife frowns at you.

Now you are looking for a holy god's picture on the walls of the room .. she snaps again ..
"You know what bob ... i m feeling this from last few weeks ... you don't love me any more .. and no matter what you say .. i know its true .. you really don't love me any more"

You see .. how your certainty has been turned upside down with the huge uncertainty your partner carries in his/her mind. Now that is the thing where your confidence ends.

Next thing in such cases that you need more than anything else in the world is the courage ... the courage to take your wife out with you despite of her bad mood. Courage to speak sorry all the way long to the restaurant. Courage to buy a box of chocolate for her as she likes it with a thought that she can also use it as something to hit you with ... so pal .. go with the courage .. i wish you luck ...

remember the moral .. " To sale the certainty you need to cut the uncertainty off " .. as in our above short conversation ..

Bob just needed to say "NO honey ... bill called again ... his stomach is upset and he can't play the game .. so get ready .. even i was about to ask you out ... " not a word less not a word more .. he just had to say it ... falsely ..

The child I miss!!

The child smiled gaily when he saw a blue colored elephant, yellow colored lion, red monkey and a black colored horse revolving above his head. All of them were tied to the ring with the help of a thread. And the ring was also tied to the rod of the cradle. The animal toys were far from the approach of the baby. But the smile was so genuine which made me doubt if the animals were giggling with him. The baby was amused with it. The baby I am talking about is just 8 months old. He can move around the house on his knees. I cajoled the activities of the child. I sat him free on the floor and rolled away his red football. The boy was looking at the ball very carefully. And the moment ball stopped at the other corner of the room he took a glance over me to show the rage. He dropped the toy he was playing with and with all his strength he reached the ball more quickly than I imagined. He reached the ball; picked it up with both hands and I saw a winsome smile over his face.
I just can't think of any other word but the love. The boy was in love, was in love with the world, with the things around him, his mother, father, anyone who picked him up in his hands, with the milk bottle, toys, with the television, with the cradle and even with the floor. He loved each one of them equally.
Once i was a child too. Was I in love with those things? I don't remember clearly. The things I loved and I remember were my cricket bat, my football, my blue ranger cycle, my colony friends, the cricket matches I played and my family members. Just those and the list is over. Really, i can't think of any other thing.
Now on the day I am writing all this I can't count anything other than my family which I love, just nothing. Every other thing has a better replacement. Laptop, bike, house, friends … yes even the friends, except the few diamonds.
What happened to that child I was talking about? I must have been like that. What happened to that young boy I remember? I don't know. I don't hate anything, but equally I also can't love a thing. What is the thing that mutated me into tushar Sharma you know? Nothing must has changed. My parents still love me the same way they loved me when I was born. I can buy all of those things who would have amused me if I were a baby. What the hell I gained to lose that feeling? The only answer I can pragmatically utter is the Rationality and the truth. These are the villeins I blame.
Who took my open smile of attraction, who took my grin; why my crackle wore a silence, why I became prim?

The Journey of Jealousy

I took a covert glance at my luggage bag over my head and a faint figure of a man with a crown and heavy mustache appeared. The figure had a smirk at me and I twigged that something bad is going to happen with me. On the very next moment a gentleman asked me “is this seat number 27”.
At the very first glance on the man I figured him out as an engineer … especially computer engineer. He was tall, having extremely fair complexion wearing frameless specs. His skinny face was formed of several incidental planes. A straight reply came directly from my heart saying, “It should not be but it is”, but somehow I managed to say “yes it is”.
The man sat beside me. I was going to home from Gwalior in a chair car coach. Seat no. 26 was mine, which was a window seat. Seat no. 27 and 28 were beside me … three in a row. I love travelling by chair car as you get an electricity plug very near to you and also I love the personal food tray facility. It’s the most comfortable place to place your laptop on. I never talk to a male stranger in trains, boys, men and especially the oldies. They are just like volcanoes ready to erupt out all the lava; they collected in their whole life, on you. Pathetic.
Shit, now I got why god was smirking at me. No, it wasn’t too bad for me … after all he is not an oldie I consoled myself. My fate never allowed me to sit beside a pretty girl whether it is a train, a restaurant, bus, or any other place where normally people finds someone special. Well that’s perfectly alright with me, I have learned to live with it. So the journey started as the train moved the man started asking me about my laptop. When did u purchase it? How many grand? I was just replying him in plain and was waiting for a pause of questions from him and as soon as I got one I fished my earphones from my pocket and started listening to the music and writing my diary on the laptop.
The way passed and came the station I was waiting for, the Agra station. I love the station because of two reasons. First I love the tea over there and second and most importantly I love the foreigner girls who came to visit Agra. So I stepped down from the train and enjoyed myself the 10 mins stay of train. I came back to my seat having a smirk on my face which was the result of “hi” I got in reply from a hot and gorgeous foreigner girl. Actually girls are not conservative but they got to act conservative in India I believe. Anyways I was getting back to the seat and I saw a real beautiful girl sitting in my compartment. I wished if a cold breeze can went through my hairs the way it happens to SRK but nothing like that happened. The girl was wearing a white top and blue jeans, brown hairs, fleshy cheeks, small nose and small brown eyes. I don’t consider big eyes beautiful and I doubt the people who consider big eyes beautiful because otherwise I would have heard a song like “aakein teri gaai (cow) si, hirni si teri chal ” … so overall she was looking beautiful (mall - slang). I was getting nearer to her but she didn’t notice me.
“My god. What’s that … is she sitting on my row of seat ? gosh! Yes … she is at 28 ”, I said to myself and my heart missed a beat.
“excuse me”, I said. Without any reply and without looking at me she moved her legs to give me a way.
I settled down on the seat politely like the most decent guy on the earth.
“So what interests you”? said the boy near to me. I quickly moved my eyes to his face as I thought he was talking to me and I was about to say, “This world”. But no, the question wasn’t asked to me, it was for the girl. “harami saala”, I murmured.
“Paintings”, gaily replied the girl.
“ohh .. paintings”, the boy replied like he, his father, his grandfather and all other family members are into this business form centuries, M. F. hussain was his student and it was him who purchased the most expensive and famous painting ever sold.
“what kind of painting?”, he again asked.
“all kind of paintings but especially the Oil paintings and glass paintings” she replied sincerely.
Why I am so dumb in paintings I cursed myself. I had never colored a painting with wax colors even when the sketch has been drawn by someone other.
“Really? That’s cool”, he said.
I smiled like a winner. “beta, u don’t know a thing about paintings I know”, I spoke in my mind.
“And how about you, what interests you?” , she asked to him.
“Paintings”, he replied.
My heart stopped beating as if I heard that our train was going to collide with Shatabdi express which is coming on the same track and we are going to die today.
The girl moved and faced the boy with her eyes into his eyes and said “are you serious? ”.
Before the boy replied my chaha chaudhary kind of mind replied “I don’t know if he is serious or not but I am going to be seriously ill … call the ambulance”
“I don’t make jokes about my profession”, he said.
“Are you a professional painter”, she asked with all the excitement of the world, like she is going to have a trip of Disney land.
“No, I am an artist and I paint … don’t call it a painter”, he said with the expression which said “yes I am tom cruise”.
I turned my face towards the glass window. It was dark that time and the glass pane was reflecting that man like a mirror. I tried to find the reflection of the girl by moving my angle of incidence here and there but it was of no use. She was behind that man. I tried to look outside but it was dark. I tried to take a closer look towards the glass pane and I came to see my eyes full of anger, pity, and sorrow. Poor me I said.
“So what you have painted till now, Mr. Artist ”.
“Not much, but yes I put my 5 of my paintings to an exhibition last month and I sold 4 of them at good price I guess”.
“why not the fifth one?”
“it’s close to my heart, not for sale”.
It must be his girl friend’s or may be wife’s painting. Oh yes … he can be a married man I thought. It was a relief for me to think that way. But how come I can know that. Men must wear Mangalsutrs after marriage and should put some bindi vindi type things on their head I thought. No, I immediately said to myself … after all hopefully I am also going to be married after few years.
“ohh …”, the girl said.
“so, which one is your favorite painting? ” she asked.
“The massacre of the innocents by Peter Paul Rubens ”, he said generously.
“Never heard of that”, she replied.
“What ? you never heard about that famous painting of Sir Rubens”, he said in a tone which was going to be too embarrassing for the girl.
Now I was with girl. I have never heard of any painting other than Monalisa, by Vinci.
“No”, she replied surprisingly in a shameless tone.
I know these girls are never so zealous in their efforts and they think they know the tits and tats of the trade just by mugging up the small information. I have always believed this and it got an affirmation today.
“ok … it is a painting painted by sir Rubens in 1611-12 and it depicts an episode of the biblical Massacre of the Innocents. The latest auction price was 45 million euro.”
45 million euro … India will be a rich nation, I thought, if such amount is distributed among the needy people and I consider myself one of the needy ... 45 million euro distributed among 1.12 billion ... my mind tried hard to calculate the per head amount in rupees just before I heard the next statement.

“I would like to see your work someday if the time permits”, she said.
And one more girl has fallen for someone other than me, I thought. I was about to punch the window. Ohhh shit … this is why I saw god smirking at me. Jaipur was still 2 hrs from there and I was just restless to jump off the train right now.
After listening to few more details of their talks I came to the conclusion that both of them were from Agra.
“I can send you the digital pictures of my painting if I can have your email id ”, he said.
I was resting putting my head against the window and watching effortlessly the little sparks of light outside the window and after hearing the last words said by the man my mind shuddered my ears to hear the reply.
“its aastha_crazy2005@ ….. ”, she said.
“crazy ? yes she must be crazy … who make their username like that”, I thought. My mind replied “girls”.
After that the paintings topic just went away and they started talking about their sounding boring but uttered like extremely adventurous college and school lives. I found resting more comfortable and I again put my head against the window pane.
After an hour and when I was counting minutes left to reach Jaipur I heard most heartbreaking news.
“It must be your wife’s portrait”, she has said.
“Oh yes .. the fifth one .. the one which will always remain unsold .. yes its mine love’s portrait ”, the man replied with a gay smile on his face, and I believe Neil Armstrong must has smiled the same way when he putted his first step on moon.
He was a married man. I guess i missed that detail while i was saying "hi" to the foreigner. But this time I wasn’t happy .. instead It was a news that brought astonishment with grief. I said “yaar is type ki ladkia bhi shaadi shuda log pata lenge toh humara kya hoga???”

i don't know whether listening to that conversation would have been more painful for me or not if i knew from the start that the man was married.

The balance of life

“Ahhh ... ”, cried my TV.
“And this is what I call the killer kick, my favorite one”, I said with excitement to my younger brother.
We were playing “The Spartan “, the favorite much more than pass time for both of us. It was just a few days back in the summer of 1999 when we purchased our video game player. I was 14 years old that time and my younger brother was just 10. He has always been better than me in most of the things we do together even now. I hope he is not reading this text.
The Spartan is a single as well as double player game in which you find yourself in a castle to fight with the other Spartans. During every stage you have to fight with almost 20 other Spartans and then at the time you exit that very part of the castle you have to fight with a monster having enormous power with which both of the team players has to fight, and the death of the opponent concludes the stage. Initially the blood level of both the players is displayed as 100% which lowers down according to the energy consumed while fighting and when you get a hit form the opponent. As you are a Spartan you also have an ability to jump high across the opponent and run away form them in order to preserve you blood.
“Don’t tell me that you have done the hell of a job. I could have also killed that silly bastard, And see with how much blood you are left with … 20 … just 20 … god damn it … I am not going to play with you again … now how we would fight the giant”, said my brother with lot of grief and anger.
When you play a video game or any other game you intuitively just want to win the game at any cost. It wasn’t like I was playing the game just for fun. The motive was clear in my mind too. And I was also so desperate to clear the stage. But I couldn’t resist myself to show my skills and power that time. I can’t resist it even now.
My brother was still left with 60% blood.
“Don’t you be apprehensive kiddoo … we will make”, I said.
“And don’t you call me kiddoo … no body is a kid over here, at least not me … you got that?” yelled my brother his lungs out.
“Do you need a solution guys”, my mother asked from the kitchen.
“No, mom … we are fine … we are not fighting not even a spat is happening over here. We are good”, both of us said because we know the way our mom was used to solve this very problem. Her solution was just simply plugging out the connecting cable between the video game device and the TV. And none of us wanted it to happen.
“and here comes the monster … god damn him how can he look so ugly?”, I said.
I still had 20% of my blood and my brother was still left with 60%.
My brother started giving him a tough time by jumping, hitting, defending, and then hitting.
“Let me deal with this bastard.” I said with a rush of blood in my head.
Kick, punch, flying kick, I was offending the giant.
“Save your blood”, said my highly concentrated brother.
One angry punch from the giant to my player.
“NO … NO”, and I dropped my remote in the bed.
Now sooner or later my brother’s player will also be dead and we would need to start the whole stage again, I thought with lot of grievance.
And same thing happened.
Giant killed both of us.
“I asked you to preserve you blood the million times, but you overheard it. Why can’t you control you self during the easy part of the stage”.
“I just can’t … ok ok … I will try to do it from now … ok”. I said.
My brother was right; he has asked to do so million of times. But I was helpless with myself. I saw an enemy in all of them. I wanted to give a clean sweep and win the stage. That thought was out of my control. I just wanted to demolish every single thing that came to my way.
We again happily started playing the stage without remembering the exchanged words.
Now after almost 10 years, today I recalled all these things and even now when I see both of us I find the same prominent difference between us. The valuable blood that was wasted during those games has become the time, money, emotions. Those stages have turned into years I have invested over the future. Those small other enemy Spartans has turned into day to day chores, office staff, detractors, and even sometimes they come out of me. That big giant has turned himself into the life time opportunities like job, career, other ambitions and search of a good partner.
Every thing is same behind the mask and I doubt I also am. I have always been hard on myself; I pushed myself like a machine into the things which enticed me a little without keeping the morality in mind. If I am doing a thing I must be best at it or I should not involve myself into an alien thing. With this in mind either I have lost many opportunities in life or I have wasted lot of efforts over the unimportant things.
You don’t really need to waste your energy over the small things that do not matter when you are running a marathon against time; neither you should waste your precious emotional assets over unimportant and non deserving people. These day-to-day enervating, suffocating happenings doesn’t need so much efforts. You never need to put yourself too hard for these things when you really have something big to do in your mind, something important. Yes it is all about setting your priorities; it is all about balancing yourselves which speak through the actions.

The tough lesson

"So, what do you think life is for?" said the old man.
"Sir, the life is for keeping the promises, the promises I made to myself, to my parents and to the society," the young man answered warily.
"Good", said the old man in an affirmative tone. "And what do you think about the subject?" he asked to another man sitting in front of him.
"Sir, I never gave a thought about this subject, I take my life as it comes and I think this is the simplest way to lead the life indeed."
"You mean you have never planned for the future, aren't you futuristic?"
"No, not literally, I plan my days, I plan my weeks but planning the life and sticking to the plan is something which I think is not a pragmatic approach." The young man answered.
I heard those words and was getting really very interested in the discussion holding over there. And the familiar voice of my friends made me more involved. I was holding the door half opened with my eyes on the face of the man who was in his fifties. I knew the man was a senior scientist at DRDO India. He was a short person, slightly overweight with a clean fair skin. Few bright white hairs were left on his head, which were elegantly combed aside on his head. He was wearing a white shirt which made his appearance brighter. He has putted his glasses on the tip of his nose and was watching my friends, over the specs, with his experienced wide brown eyes; he was discovering the hidden information in their faces. My friends had cleared the written test, which I flunked, and were in the interview room for the final scrutiny. As a placement representative, of M.Tech course, I was there to inform the scientist about the conformation of his train ticket to Delhi. He was at our college for recruiting some students whom he finds suitable for the job of a junior scientist.
The man sensed my presence and gave a glance at me. I was also wearing a white full sleeves shirt and a dark blue trouser with self lining. I was looking very fresh and energetic. I had always been admired for my looks whenever I wore formal clothes.
"yes, Mr. …" said the scientist.
"Tushar", I said.
"Tushar. Yes tushar, tell me what made you to come over here?"
"Sir, I am pleased to tell you that your return ticket to Delhi has been recently confirmed."
"Oh! Thank you very much for the information. I was bit worried about it."
This was my turn to say "mentions not sir". But I didn't say so. I was eager to hear the next question from the scientist and was more eager to listen the answer from my friends. I didn't move and took a moment to sneak the next question.
"What's the matter with you? Do you have some other thing to tell?" old man figured the situation out and asked. His old eyes didn't miss the excitement on my face.
"No Sir, I don't have anything more to tell", I replied.
"If you think that we are discussing something of your very interest then you are also invited to be a part of the discussion", he asked me in a questioning ascent.
I thought for a moment and entered the room. He offered me a chair and I sat comfortably to hear the proceedings. I looked at my friend's face and smiled cheerily.
The man turned his face to me and asked me to share my ideas on the last question. I was balked.
I said, "Sir I didn't had any intention to be a part of your philosophical discussion. I was just interested in the story you guys were about to make."
"Ok, then be a part of the story", he said.
"Life", I muttered and gathered the courage to speak out my thoughts.
"Sir, life is an opportunity." I said tersely.
"Explain", He said.
"Life comes as an opportunity to everyone, as an opportunity to realize your dreams. This life has given us a time bound to which we will be on this earth. What is the most necessary thing that a man will ever need to make himself a successful person? Time, yes the time is the most vital part. Now while you are given a healthy body with an agile mind, what else do you need to be successful? The answer is time, Lifetime. So I think the life is an opportunity given by the almighty to realize our dreams."
"Well said Tushar, but what opportunity do you see in your life, I mean what is your dream?"
"I don't wish to tell you the answer of this question", I sounded slightly truculent. I regretted it the very next moment but the next thought that came to my mind gave me a respite. I thought that these DRDO people deserve to be treated in this way. I was bit relaxed as I know that my words has won a little revenge for me.
Actually I had gone through an agony caused by the recruitment department of DRDO. DRDO calls the engineering graduates, by public issues, to prove their candidature for the post of a scientist. The final selection requires an aspirant to clear the concealed cutoff criteria and the procedure follows an interview as the final process of scrutiny of a candidate. The interview is taken by a panel of senior scientists.
With sudden resentment and slight astonishment he asked me "what's the issue in telling me about your dreams?"
"You guys don't care about dreams", I said it plain.
This kind of attitude was somewhat unbearable for such an eminent person. But my answers were of little attraction for him. He tried to convince me over his question and said, "Who told you that?"
"No one, I had an experience, the experience which I am afraid to recall", I murmured.
The man was grim. But he further asked me to tell me my story and experience.
Now this was the time I was annoyed. "Whatever it is, how it is supposed to help me or you anyway?" I said.
"It may win you a job if there has been any injustice with you", he said.
I thought this was only to placate me because that old man wanted to hear my story, a failure story, which has always been a sense of amusement for people, especially the old ones.
Now, as a result of my momentary thought and the bitter memories, I got impudent. "No thanks for your mercy job, but yes, I will surely tell you the story." I was going to confess the things I left unconfessed to my own mind. I added, "The day was 21st Nov 2008, I had a call from your recruitment and training center at New Delhi. I was all set to go to interview room. I had prepared my life's' best for the job of a scientist. For whole 4 months I had made the most sincere efforts anyone could possibly make. I had turned the hell to earth during those days. I could have given my eyeteeth for this job. I prepared hard for the written test and then on the harder side I prepared for the interview. I heard that in the interview I would be asked about my engineering project, I was not convinced with mine, so I engineered another project for the sake of that mere interview. I didn't leave any stone unturned. I was confident before entering the room. I went into the interview room and got seated at the front of the panel. The interview began with some questions on my favorite subjects. I answered the questions politely and precisely. I continued answering almost all of the questions asked to me. The session extended for few more questions but this time the topic has been flipped. All the panel members exchanged a suspicious smile to one another. Then suddenly one of the member started asking irrelevant and absurd questions. I acted astonished on the questions and that was obvious, I continued answering them as far as my knowledge allowed me to, but I knew in my heart that I am not answering them properly. I asked them to flip the topic because I was not comfortable with the current one. But one of them said "It's up to us". Those hungry vultures were merciless. I showed them my project report and the man at the center put that report aside without glancing at it, and said "I know you are prepared for it". I couldn't keep my calm and now the situation got even worse and so were the questions. I plainly kept showing my inability to answer. They took half an hour to prove me that I was no good for the job. Now you tell me where was I wrong? I gave all the answers I was supposed and they knew it that I was quite good at the technical side. I was a dupe"
I ended the last sentence with a fury. I was about to leave the room and gave my last glance to his face and was hoping to see a red face. Contrary to my thought, he was smiling.
"What? Ok you don't bother to answer, I will better leave the room", I said and stood up.
Now the man had a broader smile. He said "you have just told me the answer."
I was astonished. "And what is that?" I asked, being little down at tone.
"You are feeling so bad because you have just failed a project of life which you kept feeding with your blood for 4 months. In our organization, I have seen many projects, which were down after sucking the matter from a group of scientist for 20 years. If you were at their place, you must have committed a suicide and would have left the whole organization in an agony. But those soldiers never said a die and kept working on the same project for next few years after fixing the bug out and at last they made the whole country proud. Don't you know, what are the other things that make you a successful scientist besides the knowledge? "
"What else?" I said.
"Courage; never tiring attitude; calm; patience." These are the other things which you lack and these were the things which they read on your face and were testing you for.
I popped up out of the blanket; the dream caused me nightly cold sweats. This was the month of February, and the result of DRDO had come approximately 2 months before. I flunked it. For these two months I always had some prominent thought in my mind, those were not exactly the thoughts, those were the question which I kept asking to myself. "How could a man fail after making all his earnest efforts? Does this fate thing matter this much? Then why a man should aspire? He must set himself free and let the fate decide. What was the blunder I happened to make?" I stopped enjoying the friends gathering, I quit watching movies. I was about to push myself in depression. I began reading motivational texts, all of them preached the way to quest your dreams. I would have done quite well if those texts were to take as a guideline. I couldn't found any possible answers to my ineluctable questions.
In my younger days, seldom, I was able to solve the most baffling mathematical problems in my dreams, and I was always able to remember the solution in the morning. But still, on the day today I can't believe that my most important lesson was taught by a dream. Next day I stuck a large white sheet on the wall of my room which said my learning in a very aesthetic way. I still have that poster, it says "If you are not rewarded with what you expected, don't gloom. Just believe, the day will come, the day will come when the stars will ally in your favor, the taste of victory you will savor, just have to carry on with the same vigor and people will call you a soldier."